Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Me...the dreamer

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I do, on occasion, have to pinch myself. Here I am, with a husband, three beautiful children, my own business and surrounded by love! Ok, so that's the 'rose tinted spectacle' view, but I can't deny that I am fortunate to have this life. However, I do feel I have had to make compromises, although i do say this hopefully, without sounding dramatic. Presently my social life is pretty much non-existent, with looking after 3 children and a house, and trying to build a profitable business, time is limited. If you count lunch with my mum once a week, a catch-up over a cuppa with friends every few months and Sundays with extended family, then ok, that's as social as it gets. Life is busy: don't get me wrong, I have chosen this. I spend very little time away from my kids as they are my responsibility, not grandparents, other relatives or friends, but mine. I did not chose to have children then fob them off onto anyone who will take them. There will always be times when it is necessary to call on a little help or, occasionally, take a few hours out to do something that with three kids woud be impossible, but it's difficult to get someone willing to take on three. I wholly accept this and just get on with it. Life will evolve as my children grow up, my working hours will become more sociable and hopefully quality of life will exceed my expectations. I see this period in my life as laying the foundations for the future, foundations for the life we, as a family, hope to live.

With the stresses of life, no matter how you live it, we must all have coping mechanisms. I would consider myself as a dreamer, I think this aspect of my personality is what gets me through daily life. I sometimes wonder if I actually spent much of my 'youth' (using the word 'youth' makes me sound OLD!) in the real world for any length of time. Even now, if I do get a minute to myself, I find myself daydreaming. Complex daydreams of the future or simple daydreams such as what colour I would like to paint our bedroom. One thing is for sure daydreaming seems to be my only form of escape these days!

I do remember a time when many things were forms of escape but as life has got busier there just isn't time for those pastimes. Thinking of the different things I no longer have time for makes me sad! Music has always played a big part, having learnt to play piano from a young age and then church organ, it has become a money earner, which, to a certain degree, takes away the enjoyment! Even listening to the radio in the car has been hijacked by the kids! I also love reading but holidays are basically the only occasions I get to read anything other than a recipe or cake decorating book! I even remember a time when I would have written poetry. From time to time I look back through my poems, which I keep in a beautiful handmade paper book. I must have had a lot of time on my hands, that's university life for you! Here is one of my favourites, written way back in 2001 (for my now husband) and with Valentines Day approaching very apt...

A Matter of When

My love is as true
As the sky can be blue,
It's as deep as the core of the earth.
The heavens are vast
As my love will last,
But rare beauty couldn't contest to your worth.

My love is as sure
As the rain from the sky,
You never need worry
Or begin to ask why. 
I'm here for you now,
I'll be waiting for you then.
We were never a matter of if,
Only a matter of when.

(written Friday 10th August 2001)

I guess as life moves on we find different means of escape, we should never underestimate the power of being transported into a different head space if only for a few minutes. For now blogging has become a very welcomed form of escape during days of toddler chat and baby gurgling, and as Candytuft Cakes started as a hobby you just never know where your daydreaming will take you!

Kathryn xxx

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